Lies are Worse…

The short version of my story is that my husband and partner of 17 years left me a week before his 40th birthday. Midlife crisis much? 

The painful truth is that he was internally struggling with this life adjustment and, for lack of a better term, “lost it”. He became a person that I didn’t recognize. And it all happened so quickly. In a matter of 3 weeks, he went from admitting to being “unhappy” (this was news to me) to moving out of our home. Three weeks. Still now, I’m at a loss. How did this happen so quickly? How can a 17 year relationship end in 3 weeks without any talking, counseling, fighting – nothing. Just packing up and leaving. All the while, I thought our marriage was fine. Blindsided is the only suitable description. He couldn’t/wouldn’t talk, he was emotionally dead and lacked any sort of emotion or feeling. He was cold and cruel and lacked any compassion when it came to “dealing” with me in the aftermath of this decision that HE made. And I was shattered, heartbroken, abandoned and left to try to figure out what I’m going to do with my life…

That was the Truth, here comes the Lie…

Yes, I think that some of the reason he left was due to a close relationship with another woman. Not just any other woman, but for a woman who herself went through a difficult breakup nearly one year ago to the day that I found out. A woman who I tried to support through her own tough times, who showed up crying to my home and I welcomed her in and comforted her, who leaned on my husband, which I allowed because she needed a friend so badly – that woman. The woman who turned around and did the very same thing to me that happened to her one short year earlier. Now, I’m not one to blame the “other woman”. I actually really hate when that happens. She was single and my husband was not. I understand that and I blame him for 99% of our situation. But, it does sting a little more knowing these facts. That out of my kindness, a door was opened and she took full advantage. And kudos to her for going after what she wanted. There was clearly a weakness in my marriage and she exploited it. I considered her a friend, and so of course it hurts. This happened over the course of a year, behind my back, all while I was reaching out to her checking up on how she was doing with her difficult life changes. So, anyway, I think that it’s important that you know this at the beginning of my story, but that’s all I’m going to say about her… this isn’t about her. This is about my journey and how I can stay strong, grow, become a better version of myself as a result of all of this and hopefully, build a support system for anyone else struggling with life at the moment. 

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