The Truth Always Comes Out…

Yet another blow to my heart and mind last weekend…
I’ve been trying so hard to have a Gwenyth Paltrow “conscious uncoupling” type of divorce. We have no kids, we still have a lot of love for one another (so I thought) – why can’t we part on civil terms? Why can’t it be left in a way where we could be in the same room together or even at one point be actual friends? After all, I do miss him so very much. I miss the person who was my very best friend for the last 17 years of my life. Half of my life! The hardest part of this for me was the feeling that in a snap, he was removed completely from my everyday life. I missed him. I still miss him, even now. So much so that I left the door open to us being friends. And with each talk or visit over the last 6 weeks, it was always confirmed that our love for one another was still there. It is always just enough for me to believe that there could one day be an “us” again in the future. I didn’t know how I’d get past all of this heartache, but anything is possible, right? I mean, I’ve done it before – nearly 10 years ago. We survived that and came out stronger, or so I thought. Maybe this was going to be the same.

But then I saw it. Social media is the ultimate lie detector test. He told me he was at a work event and really he was with “her”. With her at an event that he would have never been interested in going to. Like ever. What is he doing? Who is this person that I don’t even recognize anymore? How can he be so foolish? How can he lie to me? How could I have ever truly believed the lies when he told me, even up until 2 weeks ago, that she was just a friend? That there was nothing between them? Because even though my gut told me there was more to it, when I asked him, he assured me that there wasn’t. They were just friends. And again, like a fool, I chose to believe him. To believe the lie.

So when the truth is staring at you in the face, in the form of an Instagram story, it hurts beyond belief. And all of my hopes for a conscious uncoupling goes out the window. My heart hardens and is full of anger, hurt and betrayal. My will to keep things civil between us lessens because he doesn’t truly deserve that. People need to see the REAL him – not the show he’s putting on or the lies that he tells.

My only solace for today is in the words from a friend – The truth will always come out. She’s right. It might take time, but the truth will come out. I need to stay strong and retain my composure and not let his betrayal cause me to be a lesser version of myself. I’m better than that. I’ll get through it and hopefully in the end, come out a better and stronger version of myself…

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