A New Year Without Fireworks…

It’s been a very, very long time since I’ve had to worry about feeling lonely on New Year’s Eve. It’s a feeling that has become all too familiar over the last 4 months, but still hurts nonetheless. Although I felt like curling up into a ball and hiding under my covers, I made myself get up, put on that twenties-themed flapper dress that I bought just for the night, put on makeup and even curl my hair, which takes some effort, believe me! I wore my brand new over-the-knee boots for the first time and by the time I was ready to leave and hit a few parties, I felt uplifted and almost excited for the night ahead.

I went from party to party, making three stops in total, spending a bit of time at each with friends and even meeting new people. The first party was going to be the toughest, as I knew it was going to be mostly couples – which I was no longer a part of. Surprisingly, I found myself easily chatting with the only two other single ladies at the party and had a great time! We had fun laughing and exchanging stories about the dating world, even though I don’t have many at this point, but I did have one or two to share – more on that later. 

The second stop was with two close friends, and although I felt very overdressed for the party in my sequin dress, I had a wonderful time reminiscing about past New Years spent with them – even though those New Year’s were with Ryan.

My last stop was to my friend who has been there for me the most through these last tough four months, and I didn’t want to face the new year with anyone else but her. She was supportive, understanding and loving, just as I knew she would be – even when I had a little pity party right after midnight. It was just what I needed for this very difficult day. 

The night ended and I headed home by myself at 1am with no New Year’s Eve kiss to start off 2020. I didn’t even watch any fireworks. A New Year’s Eve without fireworks…I never thought that would happen. I even broke the heel on those brand new over-the-knee boots! 

So I went home with a broken necklace, a broken heel and a broken heart. It certainly seemed to sum up my 2019 and I hope it’s not an indication of what’s to come for me in 2020.

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